I’m an erotic author — here’s why I won’t be taking part in Dear Gillian
In an article in The Guardian this week, Gillian Anderson sent out an invitation to all women to share their sexual fantasies with her. Following on from the success of the Netflix show, Sex Education (in which Anderson plays the role of Jean Milburn, a sex therapist), she’s teamed up with Bloomsbury Publishing to release a “My Secret Garden [Nancy Friday’s groundbreaking book of the 1970s] for the 21st century.” In keeping with the format of Friday’s original book, the new work — with a working title of “Dear Gillian” — will comprise anonymous fantasies submitted by “you, me and our nextdoor neighbour”.
For an erotic author like me, this should be an exciting opportunity. I’ve been writing about my fantasies for over two decades, and sex-positive projects like this only serve to help further reduce shame and stigmatisation often (still) attached to women’s pleasure and sexual empowerment.
Dear Gillian invites “women across the world, and all of you who identify intrinsically as women now — queer, heterosexual and bisexual, non-binary, transgender, polyamorous — all of you, old and young, whatever your religion, and married, single or other” to take part.
But here’s the rub:
In exchange for submitting 1000–2500 words detailing your “most intimate, private sexual fantasies”, and signing over ownership and copyright to Bloomsbury, you’ll receive…nothing. Okay, you may feel a thrill from sharing your story, or appreciate some space to have your authentic sexual self witnessed. But is that really a fair trade for something that will require your emotional labour to explore and express your fantasy, your time to write and submit it, and the uncertainty of whether or not it will even be selected for the final manuscript?
Despite the assurance that this is a book seeking diverse representation, I have a sinking feeling that most of the contributors will be white, cis, heterosexual, middle-class women. That is, those who are more likely to have the time, emotional bandwidth, and self-confidence to take part. (For the record, I’m white, cis, queer and middle class.) Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to limit or exclude white, cis, het, or middle-class women — all experiences are valid — but I’m concerned that those in more marginalised communities will be less likely to be able to contribute because of the barriers to inclusion they face every day. And, as someone on a personal mission to ensure more representation when it comes to our diverse experiences of sexuality, I can’t help but feel that — if this is truly a project that seeks to understand the variety of women’s fantasies — the publishers should be making more of an effort with their outreach and recompense.
In the meantime, while “Dear Gillian” takes form, we don’t have to wait for the 21st century version of My Secret Garden. In 2013, forty years after Friday’s book was published, Emily Dubberley wrote “Garden of Desires: the evolution of women’s fantasies” (published by Black Lace). Dubberley is one of the UK’s leading sex writers, with an impressive track record of research and writing about women’s sexual fantasies, and the founder of magazines and websites celebrating women’s sexuality. Her book, “Garden of Desires”, includes over 400 fantasies, including contributions from transwomen, disabled women, working-class women and women of colour.
It’s my sincere wish that “Dear Gillian” achieves what it has set out to do. It’s also my wish that other writers — such as Dubberley and myself — also get recognition for the work that we do in creating erotic content where women can see their stories and experiences reflected and explored in affirming and powerful ways. Dear Gillian, here’s my invitation to you: let’s throw a garden party to celebrate this.
Anna Sansom was the Sex/Life Editor of DIVA Magazine (2013–2015), a former sexual surrogate partner, and is a champion of women’s pleasure in midlife and beyond. Her erotic stories have been published in print and online since 2007. Her more-than-a-memoir, “Desire Lines” was published by The Unbound Press in 2019, and her lesbian, erotic novel, “Coming Close, 2nd Edition”, was published in 2022. She runs events and courses for women who want to reconnect with their pleasure and get in touch with their authentic sexual selves. Website: annasansom.com; Facebook: @AnnaSansomWriter; Instagram: @Anna_Sansom_Writer; Twitter: @ladygarden69
